


The Bridge Between Worlds

by aschicca



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe – No Zombie Apocalypse, But Also Canon Universe, But not all of it, Frottage, Getting Together, Getting your family back, Judith is the actual best, M/M, Memories, Post-9x05 What Comes After, Rick realizes things, a bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:48:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24625762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aschicca/pseuds/aschicca
Summary: Rick threw away the covers and put his feet down on the rug. The dream was just a shadow of a memory now – A bridge exploding? People calling his name? – but it left him with a weird sensation. Almost like he was forgetting something, almost like he had to be somewhere.The bridge blows up and another story begins. And yet, it’s the same story.
Relationships: Daryl Dixon/Rick Grimes
Comments: 16
Kudos: 127





	The Bridge Between Worlds

**Author's Note:**

> This work contains direct quotes from episodes 1x03-2x13-3x01-4x13-5x02-5x10. I own nothing, don't sue.
> 
> One morning, a helicopter flying over my house woke me up and 5 minutes later I had the idea for this fic. I didn't know exactly how to tag because it's not a time travel, it's not canon but it's also not a real AU... I suppose we could call it an alternate reality that has its roots deep into the canon. You know what? Explaining it makes it even more confusing so just read it, okay? I hope you will enjoy the journey :)
> 
> Thank you to my Beta, Piksa, as always.

It needed to happen. 

It was the only way. 

The bridge that Rick fought so hard to build, the pillar of hope that should have bound them together and made them stronger needed to go down. 

It was the only way to save his family. 

If pain, exhaustion, fear, and grief weren’t plaguing him, Rick would have laughed: He wanted his people to build a bridge that would save them all but in the end, in order to truly save them, Rick needed to blow it up.

 _Funny how life works,_ Rick thought pointing his gun at the dynamite, _really funny._

He saluted Daryl with a nod, heard Michonne – the real one, not the hallucination – call his name but he wouldn’t stop. He couldn’t. It needed to happen.

He fired. And everything went black.

_Judith. Michonne. Daryl. My family._

A woman was talking, Rick was breathing and then… then… was that a helicopter?

 _“Hey, helicopter boy! Come say hello!”_ Morales called and Rick left the truck back at the quarry and found Carl. Found Lori.

No. No that… That wasn’t.. Carl wasn’t… And Lori. She…

What was happening? And _was_ that a helicopter he was hearing? He heard, he _saw_ one in Atlanta, too. Jaqui called it a hallucination back then. Was it one now, too? 

Why was it always helicopters with him?

But no. No. That was… that sound. That was a helicopter! That was… Rick could hear it… It was…

*  
Rick sat up in bed and blinked. The sound of a helicopter flying over his house made him sigh. Trust sounds from the real world to intrude in his dreams and… Well, Rick wanted to say ‘ruin’ them by waking him up but there was nothing good in the dream he was having to begin with. 

Shaking his head, Rick threw away the covers and put his feet down on the rug. The dream was just a shadow of a memory now – A bridge exploding? People calling his name? – but it left him with a weird sensation. Almost like he was forgetting something, almost like he had to be somewhere. 

Somewhere else than his house, in King County, on a… Rick checked the alarm clock on his bedtable and saw it was a Tuesday. Tuesday, 8.00 o’clock. Where else would Rick need to be at that hour?

The phone rang and Rick picked it up immediately.

“Hey man, you still asleep or something? Been waiting for you to show up. Said we’d carpool to work, remember?”

“Shane?” Rick asked, and something was really wrong because Rick felt like he didn’t really want to talk with Shane; but he could also remember spending the previous evening with him and enjoying himself. What the hell?

“Yeah, Rick, brother. You okay?” 

“Yes, I… Uh… Weird dream, you know? Left me all..” Rick trailed off, not knowing how to explain. Maybe not wanting to, either.

“Dream? Man, you still in bed? We’ve been waiting on you! Lori has breakfast ready, and Judith wants to say goodbye to her other dad before going to school. You ill or something?”

Judith! Rick wanted to see her more than anything. She was in the dream, too, wasn’t she? Rick remembered thinking of her and… someone else, too. 

“Be there soon, Shane. Don’t let Judy go before I see her, okay? If we have to we’ll take her to school ourselves, siren and all. You know she loves it,” Rick pleaded and Shane laughed, agreeing.

Rick took a quick shower and, while he was donning his uniform, he thought back to the time when Lori told him she was pregnant. Rick was over the moon for a second, but things soon changed when the pregnancy also exposed the affair Lori was having with Shane. The months that followed were tough for everyone, especially for Carl, but in the end they all agreed that they owed it to the little one that was about to be born to try and make things work. 

Rick wanted to be in the baby’s life, even if she was Shane’s, and luckily Shane agreed immediately. They worked on something like a shared custody agreement and Rick could see Judith as much as he saw Carl. As for Judith, she’d called Rick ‘dad’ immediately; for some reason she got closer to him than she ever did to Lori or Shane, and the only other person in her life she loved as much as Rick was Carl.

Carl adored his little sister and, at 17 years old, he still always found time to be with her. They played pirates together often, and Carl always wore a bandage over one eye. He’d done that ever since he was a kid, Rick remembered, and when asked why he wanted to be a one-eyed pirate, Carl had cryptically replied that he was practicing. When Rick asked for what, Carl simply shrugged.

Shaking himself out of his reverie, Rick retrieved his gun and badge from the safe, picked up his keys and left his house. The drive to Shane and Lori’s place was a short one, but Rick hesitated before leaving his car after he parked it in the front yard. Somehow, he didn’t want to see Lori that morning, either. What was it with him? 

The door of the house opened and Judith ran out towards Rick’s car, with her long brown hair floating behind her and the little braid she wore on one side jumping on her shoulder. Rick immediately left his car and crouched down to pick up his little girl.

She was almost 8 years old now but there was a look in her eyes, a sense of maturity that Rick couldn’t help but be in awe of while at the same time feeling saddened by. No one that little should look and talk like she’d seen things that made her grow up too soon. Rick worried that their situation might be responsible for that, but Judith was a happy child in every other respect. She was just more poised and balanced than other kids her age. 

“Daddy!”

Rick caught her, held her, and nosed at her hair. 

“Good morning, Jude,” he whispered. “Sorry I was late today.”

“Pa Shane said you slept late. You okay?” Judith stepped back and cocked her head at Rick.

“No, I’m fine. I had a weird dream, and then a helicopter woke me up. It took me a moment to really wake up, you know?”

“Yeah,” Judith nodded. “Happens sometimes. ‘Least it wasn’t a nightmare, right? Like that time Carl hung that stupid poster in his bedroom and the guy on it looked like a Walker to me! ‘Member?”

While Judith talked, she’d taken Rick’s hand and was guiding him towards the house but he stopped moving suddenly. A Walker? Rick remembered Judith thinking the guy in Carl’s poster was a zombie, yes, but ‘Walker’?

_Too many. Too many Walkers. The bridge needs to come down. They can’t get to my family. Need to save them. Need to…._

“Daddy? You okay?”

Rick shook himself out of his own head. “Yeah, sorry. Did you say ‘Walker’?”

“Oh, yeah. That’s what we call zombies, Carl and me. Thought we told you?”

“Oh, well… I…” Rick’s stutter was interrupted by Lori.

“There you are,” she greeted from the open door. “I’m afraid breakfast will have to be to go if you are to take Judith to school in time, but you can have some coffee.”

Lori smiled at him but Rick couldn’t return it. He simply nodded and walked in the house. 

Shane greeted him with a cup of coffee and a slap on the shoulder, and Rick busied himself drinking so he didn’t have to make too much conversation. He also used those moments to get a grip on himself. This was his best friend, for Christ’s sake! And his ex-wife-now-good-friend, too. There was no reason to feel like they’d betrayed him all over again!

“Daddy, we need to go or I’ll be late,” Judith called from the door, so Rick finished his coffee quickly, nodded his thanks to Lori when she handed him a bag with an apple and a donut in it, and then gestured for Shane to follow him outside.

Judith took his hand again. “Pa Shane said we can have the siren on. Your idea, uh daddy?”

Rick laughed.

*

After his initial awkwardness around Shane, Rick relaxed during the work day and was soon back to his old self. Damn dream for fucking with his mind. Rick also met Carl for lunch and spent the entire time laughing at his son’s tale of his morning at school. They agreed to go camping the next weekend since it was Rick’s weekend with the kids, then Carl promised that he and Judith would call Rick at night to talk before bed as they usually did, and Rick went back to the station.

The day went smoothly after that and Rick stopped to pick up a pizza for dinner before going home. He was hoping for a quiet, preferably dreamless, night and didn’t feel like cooking for himself. Exiting the pizzeria Rick walked towards his car, keys in one hand and pizza box in the other, but something at the corner of his eye made him stop and turn.

A man was walking towards a motorcycle. He wore black jeans, a black shirt, and a vest with angel wings on the back. His hair was long, and he walked purposefully but warily, almost as if he expected trouble to jump at him and needed to be on the look-out. Men like that usually made Rick’s cop instinct stand up, but this guy didn’t. On the contrary, Rick felt like he wanted to call out to him. 

As if sensing he was being watched, the man slowed down and turned towards Rick. His blue eyes fixed unerringly on Rick and widened. His uniform had that kind of effect on many people so Rick wasn’t surprised by the reaction, but this time he felt like there could be something more. The man tentatively nodded his head at Rick, and Rick instinctively nodded back… and just like that he felt a connection.

The man cocked his head, maybe feeling it, too, but he didn’t approach. He just turned around, got on his bike and left.

Rick felt the stupid urge to call out and stop him, but he didn’t know the man’s name and why would he want that stranger to talk to him, anyway? Shaking his head, Rick finally made his way to the car, threw the box with the pizza on the passenger seat, and drove away.

*

The landline was ringing when Rick entered his house so he walked to the kitchen, left the pizza on the table, and hurried to answer.

“Hello?”

“Yes, hello. Is this… Rick? Rick Grimes?” 

It was a man’s voice and it sounded familiar to Rick, but he had no idea who was speaking to him.

“That’s me. Who’s this?”

“My name is Hershel,” the man said. “Hershel Greene.” He paused, almost as if expecting his name to be a revelation for Rick. It wasn’t, but damn if Rick didn’t feel like it should have been.

“Yes?” 

Hershel sighed. “I was hoping you’d remembered already. I know it’s different for everyone, and that many choose not to let themselves remember – though the truth is still there in a corner of their minds – but I really was hoping you’d remembered.”

“I’m sorry,” Rick said. “I truly have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I know. But will you let me explain? Will you talk to me so I can make you see?”

Right. This Hershel sounded like a basket case. 

_But he’s not,_ a voice – Rick’s own voice? – rang in his head. _You know he’s not. Listen to him. You always did._

“Uhm..” Rick stalled. “Look, my dinner’s getting cold and I don’t…”

“Rick,” Hershel’s tone was _so_ damn familiar. “Please. Doesn’t have to be tonight. Come to my farm tomorrow night, for dinner. We’ll talk face to face.”

“I’m a cop, you know?” Rick felt the need to point out. “If this is an ambush, you chose the wrong person.”

“It’s not an ambush. Well, not the kind you’re thinking of,” Hershel said, amused. “I promise you, no one here means you any harm. Quite the contrary.”

“Look, I…”

“Rick. Write down the address and come here for dinner. It’s just that, nothing else,” Hershel insisted, and Rick found himself agreeing.

What the hell was happening to his life?

*

Rick dreamt again that night but this time he didn’t remember any detail. The bridge from the previous night was still fresh in his mind but whatever else he dreamt didn’t leave a lasting impression. One thing he knew, though: The man with the angel wings? He was in the dream. And he had a crossbow. Rick shook his head at the sudden memory. What in the hell?

Patrol with Shane that day went well, and they were mostly bored the entire time. When it was time to go, Shane invited Rick for dinner but he declined. He wanted to see his kids, of course, and he was tempted to just forget all about that Hershel guy and just go to them, but something prevented Rick from doing it and so he nodded his goodbyes to Shane.

He went home, changed, then retrieved the paper with the address for the farm and went out again. While driving, Rick didn’t really pay much attention to the road but for some reason he saw the right sign and took the right turn at the exact right time. It was like he was on auto-pilot and reaching the farm was as easy as if he’d done that trip countless times already.

It was still light outside when Rick parked his car near the farm. He got out, looked around, and instantly knew this was a safe place. The barn gave him pause, and Rick looked at it suspiciously for a moment, but then a man came out of the house and approached him so Rick focused on him.

Hershel had a smile on his face and offered his hand to Rick as soon as he was close to him.

“Welcome,” he said. “I can’t tell you how good it is to see you.”

Rick instinctively knew that he could trust this man but he was also starting to get frustrated by the fact that he had no idea why he wasn’t more on alert. Like a cop should be. Instead, here he was, with a stranger that said he should remember him and that he was glad to see him, and Rick was pleased to hear it instead of wanting to yell and protest.

“Is it?” Rick replied, because he felt like he at least needed to pretend not to be at ease with this stranger from the get go. “Why?”

“Come on in,” Hershel invited. “I want you to meet some of my family, have dinner, and then I promise we’ll talk.”

Sighing, Rick followed Hershel inside.

“It’s just me, two of my daughters, and my daughter’s boyfriend here tonight,” Hershel told Rick once inside. “My wife and my son, Sean, went to my other daughter’s, Patricia, house for dinner tonight. Like I said, some people prefer to keep things on the periphery and never fully remember.”

“Look, can you just… Remember what?” Rick was starting to let his frustration get the better of him.

“Daddy?” A blonde girl called, and both Rick and Hershel turned towards her.

“Yes, baby.”

“Maggie says dinner’s ready,” she smiled.

“Come here, Beth,” Hershel invited and the young girl stepped closer and smiled up at Rick. “This is my daughter Beth.”

“Hello,” Rick nodded.

“Hello, Mr. Grimes. Rick. Welcome back.”

Rick closed his eyes for a second, then turned to Hershel with a raised eyebrow but, before he could demand to be given answers right there and then, another woman called from the kitchen.

“C’mon, y’all. Getting cold here!”

“That’s Maggie, my other daughter,” Hershel explained. “Better not to keep her waiting.”

Rick couldn’t do much else than follow Hershel and Beth to the kitchen, and once inside he stopped dead on his tracks. 

A young woman and a friendly looking Asian-American guy were there and… Rick knew them. He never met them before but he _knew_ them. Viscerally. Deep in his gut. He knew them.

“You…” Rick started, but he soon felt a head rush and had to lean on the door. 

“Easy,” Hershel steadied him. “Breathe.”

“Yeah, Rick,” the Asian guy joked. “Breathe, man. You’re not stuck in a tank this time. You dumbass.”

Rick’s head shot up and he laughed. Surprising even himself, he _laughed_ at something that could be taken as rude. It was just… Right. It was right.

“Glenn,” Maggie hissed at him.

“Sorry,” Glenn grinned. “Come on, let’s sit before Maggie murders us all for ruining her food.”

They sat, and while Rick kept looking at Glenn and Maggie the whole time almost like there was something just out of reach about them that he wanted to figure out, he enjoyed his food, enjoyed the conversation, and relaxed little by little.

When dinner was over, finally Rick insisted he be told what was going on.

Maggie was the one to reply. “It’s different for all of us,” she started. “We all remember but it’s not the same. Starts differently, ends differently. It’s almost like we lived another life and, well, a life is not something you can share with other people from start to finish, right?”

Rick nodded but his confusion must have showed perfectly on his face because Hershel spoke next.

“I don’t know if you happened to have weird dreams lately, but it’s usually how it starts,” he said. “Dreaming something you can almost feel, something that leaves a lasting impression, almost a sensation on your skin. That’s the beginning, usually.”

“I… Well, just last night I did have this dream and…”

“What was it?” Maggie asked.

“A bridge? An exploding bridge. I blew it off to save… people I loved. That’s it. I know there was more but that’s all I can remember. Then a helicopter woke me up.”

“Sorry ya had to start there,” Maggie said, a hand on Rick’s arm. “But I guess the end is as good a way as any to start.”

“The end?”

“Were there Walkers?” Beth asked. “On the bridge?”

“Walkers? You mean zombies?” Everyone nodded. “How… My… My daughter, Judith, she also said something about Walkers being zombies but… is that common? To call them that? And why would there be zombies in my dream?”

 _But there were!_ Rick thought. _So many. And you had to kill them all._

“Judith remembers?” Maggie’s eyes widened.

“Remembers _what_?” Rick finally let his frustration fully out. If whatever these people were talking about could affect his daughter, too, now Rick truly needed them to stop stalling and just come right out with it. “Just tell me!”

“When you arrived you were looking at my barn,” Hershel said. “Why?”

“Look, I don’t have time for this. Just tell me…”

“Rick, I am telling you. Answer me.” 

Rick sighed. “Something wasn’t right with it. That barn. Something bad could come out of it. Something terrifying and… heartbreaking. That is not a good place.”

“You’re never been here before and yet you remember feeling threatened by the barn. And you only just met us but you remember us, don’t you? Me and Maggie,” Glenn asked. “I know you do. I saw it in your eyes.”

Rick nodded. “What does that mean?”

“We don’t know what’s happened. We don’t know why we all remember this… other life or something. But it’s there, and if you let yourself feel it, you’ll see it, too. You’ll remember,” Glenn explained.

“Well, I don’t, okay? So could you just tell me about this ‘other life’ now? What happened then? And at the barn?” 

“I don’t think anybody knew how it started,” Hershel said. “It was a virus, and we were all infected. Everyone, all of humanity. We were infected, and when we died we came back and walked the Earth. Zombies. Walkers. The government and the military tried, the CDC tried, nothing could be done. The world as we knew it changed, it..”

“Basically, it all went to shit,” Glenn interjected and smiled at Hershel’s glare. 

Still, Hershel nodded. “While I don’t approve of the language, I must say it’s a pretty good definition for the world we were living in.”

“You’re talking as if we really lived it,” Rick said, eyes wide and troubled. It didn’t escape his notice, though, that he’d included himself in that world. We, he said, not you.

“Feels like we did,” Maggie said, and the others nodded. 

Rick found himself nodding along, too. “How?”

“We don’t know how, or why, or even what it means that we remember,” Glenn replied. “Personally I like to think about it as an alternate reality, you know? A parallel world, and when our counterparts died in that world their memories were transferred to us. Neat, uh?”

“My fiancé and his love of sci-fi,” Maggie deadpanned, and Beth giggled.

“‘S cool, though! Sure beats the alternative,” Glenn said.

“Alternative?” Rick wasn’t sure he was following them but at the same time their words made sense.

“Yeah, you know? It’s a premonition, it’s gonna happen again and we better be prepared! That sort of alternative,” Glenn explained.

And yes, Rick agreed. Alternate reality was a lot better than the thought that they might soon be living in a zombie-infested world. Thank you very much.

Hershel nodded. “Still, that sort of alternative needs to be considered and that is why we need you to remember, Rick. We can afford to let other people live in denial or refuse to remember, but you? If we want to have any chance to survive, assuming that’s why the memories came back, then we need you. I’m sorry, Rick, but you can’t be left alone; you need to remember.”

“Why? Why me? Why is it important that _I_ remember?” Rick asked, and suddenly he was bombarded by a multitude of flashes. Of memories.

_If you’re staying, this isn’t a democracy anymore._

_We need to go in, hand to hand. After all we’ve been through, we can handle it. I know it._

_These people are my family. If what you’re hiding somehow hurts them in any way, I’ll kill you._

_We do what we need to do, and then we get to live. This is how we survive: We tell ourselves that_ we _are the Walking Dead._

Rick got up in a hurry and stepped back from the table. His heart was racing, and he struggled to breathe.

“Don’t fight it, Rick,” Hershel told him from his sitting position.

Maggie got up and took Rick’s hand. “It’ll come and go, now. It’s started. You just need to let yourself remember. Just accept it, Rick, don’t try to rationalize it or explain it. Just let it be. When it’s done, you’ll just know.”

“I need to go,” Rick forcefully dropped Maggie’s hand. “I need to be alone.”

“Should he be drivin’?” Beth asked.

“You can stay here if you want, Rick,” Hershel invited, but Rick shook his head.

“I need to go,” he repeated more firmly. 

Hershel nodded. “Be careful. Stop if you need to, don’t try to drive if you’re having another flashback, okay? And call me when you get home to let me know you’re safe. Call me, Rick. Any time, any moment. I’ll be here.”

Rick knew he couldn’t take much more so he gave a curt nod and ran from the house.

*

How he managed to get back home without crashing his car, Rick would never be able to tell. His mind was reeling with everything he’d heard at the Greenes’ farm and his heart raced with the memory of _his own voice_ ringing clear and true in his head. Because that’s what it was, Rick knew he wouldn’t be able to deny it anymore: He was remembering.

Once inside, Rick called Hershel to let him know he’d made it home okay, but the call only lasted a few seconds because Rick couldn’t bring himself to speak more than a few words. He was so exhausted that he only wanted to have a quick shower and get under the covers, but something told him that he wouldn’t be able to sleep properly that night. He knew, somehow he knew, that the night ahead of him would not afford him any rest.

As it turned out, Rick was right. He woke up the following morning, after what felt more like a vivid hallucination than a proper sleep, and everything was back into place. It was all true, it really happened: Rick had lived in the world that Hershel and the others described.

He remembered everything now: The coma, looking for his family, the quarry, the farm, _Shane_ ; and then the prison – oh God, _Lori_! – and the Governor, the road to Terminus, then the one that would lead them to Alexandria. Hilltop. Oceanside. The Kingdom. Negan. And then… peace, the bridge, the end.

Rick remembered Michonne and what he shared with her. He remembered Daryl and now he knew that the man he’d seen in the parking lot of the pizza place was him! That was Daryl! Did he remember? Was that why he’d nodded to Rick? And where was Michonne? Why wasn’t she the one to find Rick and force him to remember?

Also, did Judith – and maybe Carl, too – remember everything? Carl wanting to be a one-eyed pirate, and the both of them talking about Walkers… that definitely could be explained now. If they did remember. But how could Rick know for sure without incurring in the risk of being the one to awaken those memories in his kids when they didn’t really need to know?

He needed answers, advice, so he called in sick at the station, left a message on Shane’s phone to tell him something came up and he’d had to go out of town for a day or two, then got dressed and drove to the farm.

While he was on his way, Rick’s phone rang and he saw it was Carl calling. He put the speaker on to answer.

“Dad?”

“Yes, Carl. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I… Shane said you sounded different on the phone and I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

Rick smiled. “I’m fine, son, don’t worry. I have a couple of things to do somewhere and I’m driving there now, but I’m gonna call you later today to check in with you, okay? Prove there’s nothing for you to worry about.”

Carl sighed. “Okay, dad. But can we talk more later? Please?”

“Is everything alright with you, Carl?” Rick worried.

“Yes, yes, nothing new with me but… what?” Carl’s voice became muffled while he obviously spoke with someone beside him. “Yeah, wait.. Dad? Judith wants to say hi, okay?”

“Sure,” Rick replied, and smiled when he could hear Judith’s excited greeting. “Hello there, my darlin’. You about ready for school?”

“I am. But I wanna know where you’re going.”

“To talk with some people. They’re friends and I’ll be alright. Okay?”

Judith was silent for a moment. “Okay. But where do these friends live?”

“On a farm,” Rick answered, smiling a bit at his daughter’s inquisitive tone. She was definitely the kid of a cop. Two cops, in fact.

“Farm!” Judith yelled and a moment later Carl was back on the phone.

“You’re going to the farm?” Carl asked, and Rick had to stop the car on the side of the road because this conversation was taking a detour that needed his full attention.

“What do you know about ‘the farm’, Carl?”

“Enough,” Carl whispered.

“You… Son, do you…” Rick didn’t know how to ask and he closed his eyes for a second to try and find the right words.

“Remember?” Carl finished for him. “Partly. It’s like… it’s always been there, you know? But if I don’t look at it, I can ignore it.”

Rick sucked in a breath. “Oh God… Does Judith… does she…”

“Yeah. She’s braver than me. Came back to her last year and she let herself ‘look’, you know? She remembers. She’s even okay with that and… wait, Judith… wait…”

Rick had tears in his eyes and his voice failed him but his daughter took back the phone and spoke for him.

“It’s okay, daddy. You’ll see. You remember now, too, right?”

“Yeah…” 

"It’s not all bad, you know? Yes, it’s scary and sometimes we don’t wanna remember it, the bad stuff, but we had friends, too. Family. We can get them back now, can’t we? Mom… I mean, Mama Michonne and, well… and my uncle Daryl. Aunt Carol, aunt Maggie… everyone! Can’t we?”

Not for the first time, Rick marveled at how strong and _wise_ his little daughter was. 

“Yes, we can. I’m about to go and talk with some of them. Maggie will be there, too. You want me to say hello to her?”

“Yes, please. Carl, too. And maybe… You can take me there soon? So I can see the farm? Heard the stories but now I can visit!”

Rick laughed. “We’ll see, little one. Look, put Carl back on for a second and then I’ll have to say goodbye. Talk to you later?”

“Okay, daddy.”

“Dad?” Carl called from the phone. “I know what you wanna say and… don’t, okay? It’s fine. All fine.”

“Carl…” Rick whined.

“I’m fine, dad. And before you ask… No, mom and Shane don’t remember and we never told them. I’m okay with keeping it that way. Alright?”

“Yes, yes of course. We’re still on for the weekend, right?” Rick asked, and Carl said yes. “We’ll talk more then, and we’ll decide what to do and how much we want things to change, alright?”

Carl agreed and they said their goodbyes. Rick remained in his parked car for a moment, breathing heavily and trying to steel himself to not let his tears fall. It hurt to know that Judith had to remember being born and living in a zombie-infested world, and that Carl obviously could remember shooting his mother, losing an eye… hell, even dying himself, if he should decide to let himself. On the other hand, Rick was sort of glad they had or could have those memories, so that if this was truly a premonition and their future could see them back in that world, both Carl and Judith would be ready for it.

The rest of the drive, after Rick felt in control enough to resume it, went smoothly and soon he arrived back at the farm.

His car wasn’t the only vehicle on the driveway that morning. A motorcycle was parked there, too, and a crossbow hung from one side.

_Daryl!_

__Rick’s heart gave a lurch and he hurried out of his car and to the door of the house. He knocked and just a moment later Maggie came to answer._ _

__“Rick… Are you…” Rick hugged her tight, and she clung to him. “You’re back,” she said. “You’re really back…”_ _

__“I’m back,” Rick mumbled on her shoulder. Then he gave her one last squeeze before stepping back. “Where’s Daryl? He’s here, right?”_ _

__“Yes, he’s inside with daddy. Come on in, I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.”_ _

__Rick stepped inside the house and couldn’t wait to reach Daryl so he immediately called his name. Merely a second later, Daryl appeared._ _

__“Rick…” he said, voice rough and filled with emotion. “You okay?”_ _

__“Come here,” Rick invited._ _

__Daryl bit his lip and looked down for a moment, then moved towards Rick. As soon as he was close, Rick pulled him against himself and held Daryl’s head against his own shoulder. His other arm sneaked around Daryl’s middle and Rick hugged him as tight as he’d hugged Maggie before._ _

__Daryl fisted his hands in the back of Rick’s shirt, and the two of them breathed together for a long moment._ _

__“Missed ya,” Daryl whispered, and Rick nodded._ _

__“Why didn’t you say anything the other night? At the pizza place?”_ _

__Daryl stepped back from the embrace and shrugged. “You didn’ remember then; weren’t sure you’d even wan’ to. Thought t’was better not to stir shit, ya know? You bein’ a cop ‘n all.”_ _

__Rick laughed out loud._ _

__“Welcome back, Rick,” Hershel greeted from a corner of the room._ _

__“Thank you. Hershel… thank you. Can’t say I’m happy with the memories, but I’m better for having them back,” Rick nodded to Hershel who nodded back._ _

__“There’s a few things I’d like to talk to you about, but first…”_ _

__“You want to talk alone with Daryl,” Hershel finished for him. “I thought you might, that’s why I asked Daryl to come here so he’d be available for you if you came back.”_ _

__“Thanks. I…”_ _

__“You take all the time you need,” Hershel told him, then left the room. Rick realized Maggie also left, and that he and Daryl were alone._ _

__"Front porch?” Rick proposed._ _

__“Yeah.”_ _

__They left the house and sat on two chairs on the front porch._ _

__Rick looked at Daryl and asked, “When did it happen for you?”_ _

__“Remembering? Year back,” Daryl said, and Rick was suddenly reminded about the fact that Judith also fully remembered a year before. Something had always been there, for everyone, Rick now knew but apparently full memories didn’t come back until the previous year._ _

__“You had a dream or…”_ _

__“Nah. Not at first. Merle died, ya know? Year back. Tha’ was the moment.”_ _

__Rick leaned forward. “I’m sorry to hear that. How did it happen? If you don’t mind me asking.”_ _

__Daryl shrugged and looked down. “Car crash. He’s with his dealer, the guy was drivin’, they was high… hit a wall and they was done. Got a call ‘bout it, cop said Merle’s dead, and I thought, ‘Least this time I ain’t gonna have to put ‘im down myself,’ ya know? Like with the Governor. Then I puked, passed out. Woke up rememberin’.”_ _

__“Shit, I’m so sorry, Daryl. You were all alone? How did you manage… with the memories and losing Merle at the same time. Can’t imagine,” Rick’s heart hurt for his friend and he was sure it showed on his face._ _

__“Weren’t nothing new. Always been alone, ya know? Had my job, though, and…”_ _

__“You did?” Rick interrupted. “I remember you…”_ _

__“Yeah, I know. Few things ain’t the same this time. This _reality_ you ask Glenn. Maybe’s ‘cause them memories were always there, even when we couldn’t see ‘em, so we made different choices this time. Anyway, ‘m a mechanic, weren’t just drifting like Merle was. So I worked, kept my eyes out for signs of any of y’all also remembering. Jus’ waited. Glenn came in one day, said somethin’ about his car _zig-zaggin’ all over the road_ to see if I remembered and…” Daryl shrugged again, trailing off. The rest was obvious._ _

__“Sorry I wasn’t there for you,” Rick said, and Daryl nodded. “Wish you would’ve come to me. I do.”_ _

__“Nah. Ain’t no way I coulda done that and not ended up in jail for harassment,” Daryl replied, a corner of his mouth lifting up in a small smile. Rick laughed and went to speak, but Daryl continued, “‘Sides, weren’t sure I’d wanna see Shane ‘gain. Or... Carl and the lil’ Asskicker.”_ _

__“Why not? I mean, I get why you didn’t wanna see Shane, but… the kids? They love you, Daryl.”_ _

__Daryl gave a curt nod. “Couldn’t see ‘em knowin’ they weren’t gonna remember me. Who I was. Ain’t exactly the type of guy kids wanna be friendly with. Couldn’t… what if Judith was ‘fraid of me? Nah. Better ta be away.”_ _

__“Actually, one year ago was when Judith remembered, too, so she would have been over the moon to have her uncle Daryl back,” Rick said, and smiled when Daryl looked sharply at him._ _

__“She remembers?” He asked, and Rick nodded sadly. “Carl, too? Shit, that’s rough. Kinda wanted them ta just be kids this time, ya know? Better them not knowing who I was than…”_ _

__“Yeah, I get you. Actually, Judith has all of her memories back apparently, I’m still gonna have to talk to her and let her explain, but Carl he… He _knows_ but he refuses to really know. Get it?”_ _

__“Yeah. ‘S the same with Patricia and Otis,” Daryl nodded towards the house. “Memories are there but they keep ‘em out of sight. Others don’t wanna see at all, and they just sense there’s somethin’ they should know but pretend there isn’t. Ya know who’s like that? Andrea. Dale, too. ‘S their choice. Ain’t gonna blame ‘em for it. They ain’t gonna come back ‘less they forced. Carl will if he decides to. Dunno if that’s a good thing, o’course.”_ _

__“How do you know about Andrea?” Rick realized there were so many things he still needed to know and decided to simply ask Daryl without waiting to speak with Hershel._ _

__“Maggie. She and Glenn set out to find everybody. Some they did, some don’t wanna be found. Not the way they were. They ain’t pissed at us, for finding ‘em, they just don’t wan’ us ‘round.”_ _

__“Carol?” Rick asked._ _

__“She remembers. Left Ed – b’fore I could break his legs, too, the sonofabitch – took Sophia and made a new life. Maggie found her, she’s here when Glenn took me back that first time. Was good ta see her,” Daryl smiled a bit at the memory._ _

__“‘S good, I’m glad she’s back, and with Sophia too,” Rick said and they both looked at the barn. A shudder ran through Rick’s body and he had to close his eyes for a second. “But, Daryl,” Rick said then, finally asking about the one person he’d been wondering about this whole time, “Where’s Michonne?”_ _

__Daryl kept his eyes on the barn and refused to look back at Rick, worrying him immensely._ _

__“Daryl? Hey. _Hey_ ,” Rick pleaded, and finally Daryl turned back. “Where is she?”_ _

__“She… Michonne, she got Andrè back, ya see. Her son, he’s alive, and at the same time she don’t have… someone else here in this reality. She just… She can’t, Rick. Trade one for the other. How could she do that? She won’t, her mind won’t let her. She don’t wanna look at them memories. She got them, she just keeps ‘em locked. I’m sorry…”_ _

__After finishing, Daryl turned back towards the barn dejectedly._ _

__Rick was in shock. Michonne didn’t want to come back? She didn’t want the memories? But why? How? Yes, she had her son back but why would that prevent her from wanting to come back to them? To _Rick_? It didn’t make sense!_ _

__And then suddenly Rick remembered Daryl’s comment about ‘trading one for the other’ and had a flash: Few months back, Judith caught the flu. She woke up one day confused and unfocused, and she asked about someone called RJ. She said he was her brother and everyone had been worried she might be hallucinating because of the fever. Afterwards, when she was better, she didn’t remember about this RJ – or did she? – so it was soon forgotten. RJ. Judith’s brother? R. J. What could the letters be short for? R… J… Rick Junior? Was he… did Rick and Michonne… did they…_ _

__“Daryl…” Rick croaked, and the archer’s head shot back towards him. “Did I have a… son? With Michonne? Did she… after the bridge?”_ _

__“Rick, ‘m so sorry,” was all Daryl said, and suddenly Rick found himself kneeling on the ground as close to hyperventilation as ever._ _

__Daryl knelt down beside him and put a gentle hand on his back. Rick collapsed against Daryl, burying his face in his neck, and cried. He cried for the son he never met, cried for the life he never lived, cried for the woman he’d loved and who had loved him so completely to name their child after him. The woman who now couldn’t live with the knowledge that that child didn’t exist in this world._ _

__Daryl rocked Rick and let him cry all his tears. He kept telling Rick he was sorry and that he’d tried. Tried to convince Michonne, tried to get her back to Rick, tried to tell her they could have a kid together in this world, too. She’d looked at Andrè, at Mike who was her husband, and couldn’t._ _

__“‘M so sorry I failed ya, Rick,” Daryl whispered in Rick’s hair. “So sorry…”_ _

__“No,” Rick finally stopped wailing and pushed himself upright. “You didn’t fail, Daryl. You never did. Not once. Not ever. You’ve always been my constant. Having you here now, with me, that’s _everything_!”_ _

_“It’s not on you, Daryl. Hey, it’s not on you. You being back with us, now, that’s everything. You’re my_ brother _”_

__Rick heard himself speak and he realized something. Brother didn’t cut it. It never had, really. Rick hadn’t known how else to express how close he felt to another man without calling him ‘brother’, but Daryl, what he meant to Rick, had always been more. It was like with the memories: It was there in a corner of Rick’s mind but there was a veil on it, on the knowledge that Daryl meant to Rick as much as Michonne had. Did he always consciously refuse to see it, like Michonne was doing now? Or was it just easier to pretend it wasn’t there and avoid making a fool of himself if Daryl rejected him, or run the risk of ruining their bond if he talked? Rick couldn’t tell._ _

__Oblivious to the turmoil that was going on inside Rick’s head, Daryl was still talking. “Could happen, ya know? She ain’t like Andrea: gonna take the world going to shit ‘gain for her to remember, her mind’s closed. But Michonne… she’s like Carl, like Otis. Them memories, they still there, she can choose to see them anytime. Maybe…”_ _

__“No,” Rick interrupted again. “She’s made her choice and I don’t blame her. Don’t want her to suffer. I love her. I want her to be happy. She’s happy now so,” Rick shrugged, and got up._ _

__He offered a hand to Daryl and pulled him up, too._ _

__“You don’ wan’ her back?”_ _

__“I do. I’m always gonna miss her. There’s always gonna be a part of me that’s incomplete ‘cause she’s not here. But I can’t want her back if it means her hurting. Besides, this ‘reality’ isn’t like the other one, right? You said. You got a job and all,” Daryl nodded, puzzled, and Rick continued. “Michonne and I have lived full lives without one another, we are whole in this world without each other. If she’d chosen to come back, we could have tried to be whole together again, but who knows if we would even work this time.”_ _

__“You would,” Daryl told him, but Rick shook his head._ _

__“Maybe. Maybe not. Daryl, I’m hurt because of something that I remember having and because of a son I’ll never meet, but until yesterday I didn’t know about them and I had a good life. Michonne would have added something to that life, but without her? I still have a good life. Besides, you’re here,” Rick smiled._ _

__“Ain’t much of a trade.”_ _

__“Everything. Didn’t I say that? Here and before, after I bit a guy’s throat off?”_ _

__Daryl snorted. “Did ya jus’ remember that?”_ _

__Rick nodded._ _

__“You was a mess the morning after,” Daryl obviously tried for a joke to lighten the mood and the memory; that really hadn’t been Rick’s sanest moment._ _

__“Blood was a bitch to clean out, yeah,” Rick smiled._ _

__“Still,” Daryl tried again. “Michonne…”_ _

__“Daryl. Stop. I love her and I respect her choice. I want her to be happy, okay? Let’s leave it at that. This world is different… We can all make different choices, can’t we?”_ _

__Daryl cocked his head. “I guess…”_ _

__“Good. And like I said, _you’re_ here.”_ _

__*_ _

__After that first day at the farm, when he reconnected with Daryl and the others and talked to Hershel about everything, Rick and Daryl talked on the phone almost every day. Usually at night, when Rick was alone in the house and could relax on the sofa, he called Daryl and the two talked about their days. It was… domestic, comfortable. Right._ _

__Truthfully, Rick toyed with the idea of calling Michonne, too. Everything he’d told Daryl about understanding her position and not wanting to cause her any harm was true, but Rick was still really tempted to try anyway. It would be selfish in a way and it might not even work: Michonne could see him and still decide not to really _see_ him, or she could force herself to come back and then blame Rick for twisting her arm with it. She could even choose to come back, get together with Rick again and they still could lose it all anyway. They were different people with different lives now._ _

__The Rick Michonne met and fell in love with in the other reality, for example, hardly ever kissed anyone other than Lori. This Rick, on the other hand, the one he was now? When his divorce was finalized, he played the field as much as he could and one night he accepted a man’s invitation to his house and fulfilled what had been a fantasy his whole life. Sex with a man, Rick learned, felt every bit as good as sex with a woman… and in some respects it was even better. Let’s just say no one knows their way around a dick better than a guy._ _

__In the end, even if Rick knew he would forever miss Michonne, he decided to never try and find her. He would respect her decision and let her go on with the life she’d built. Meanwhile Rick would try to find a different path for himself, too. Possibly one that had Daryl in it._ _

__When the weekend came, and Rick picked up Carl and Judith while successfully dodging questions from Lori like he’d done all week with Shane at work, Judith asked to go to the farm. Problem was that Carl was still just on the other side of remembering and wasn’t sure he wanted to take the plunge. Not to disappoint his sister, Carl decided to spend Sunday with his friends so Rick could take Judith to the farm._ _

__Instead of going camping on Saturday like initially planned, Rick spent the day talking to his kids, careful not to upset Carl. He wanted to let them know they could tell him everything they wanted, ask any question they might have, and just simply reassure them that he would be there every step of the way from then on._ _

__On Saturday evening, Rick’s phone rang and, when he read Daryl’s name on the screen, Rick turned it to Judith who screeched and grabbed it._ _

__“Daryl!” She yelled into the phone, and laughed a moment later. “Yes, it’s me!”_ _

__She talked with Daryl a while, her tone low like she didn’t want anyone else to hear what she was saying, then finally passed the phone to Rick._ _

__“Here’s Daddy,” she said, and a moment later Rick heard Daryl’s voice._ _

__“Rick?”_ _

__“Yeah.”_ _

__“Thank you.”_ _

__“For what?” Rick thought he knew but asked anyway._ _

__“Letting me talk to her ‘gain. Missed her. She’s a good kid,” Daryl’s voice dripped with affection and it warmed Rick’s heart._ _

__“We’ll be at the farm tomorrow, Judy and I. Wanna come?”_ _

__“I’ll be there.”_ _

__*_ _

__A month passed and Rick’s family, at least the ones who remembered, fully reconnected again. Seeting Carol again had been a real emotional moment for Rick, and he wasn’t ashamed to admit he’d cried when he found Tyreese at Carol’s place that same day. The two of them were starting to build something together and Sophia loved him immensely. Tyreese told Rick that Sasha didn’t want to come back, though he suspected it wouldn’t take much for her to fully let herself remember. Maybe they’ll have her back one day, but if she was happier ignoring her memories no one would lift a finger to ruin that._ _

__Aaron had his memories back, too, and he contacted Daryl as soon as he remembered. Daryl made the trip to Virginia to visit him and found him married to Eric, but they didn’t live alone: Paul Rovia, Jesus, lived with them in a poly relationship that started almost immediately after Jesus found Aaron and was introduced to Eric. They all remembered, and they were happy._ _

__“The three of them?” Rick asked Daryl when he told him about it._ _

__“Hmm mmh. ‘S nice, man. Bit weird but it works,” Daryl shrugged._ _

__“It’s good. I’m happy for them, don’t get me wrong. ‘S good they found their way. I just don’t think I could do it, you know? When I’m with somebody, I’m with them. There’s no place for others and I wouldn’t want them to be with anyone else, either.”_ _

__Daryl looked at him intently then slowly nodded. “Yeah, o’course. Don’t mean it’s wrong, what they have. Different, though. Not for everyone. They happy, so ‘s enough.”_ _

__“Could you do it?” Rick found he really wanted to know. “Be with more than one person at a time?”_ _

__Daryl blushed a bit and looked down. He shrugged. “Ain’t like I’m gettin’ many offers anyway. Be lucky I find one person.”_ _

__“You mean, _they_ would be lucky to find you, right?” Rick smiled, and Daryl blushed even more._ _

__Rick wanted to say more but at the time they were waiting for Abraham to come meet them for the first time since he got his memories, and he chose that moment to arrive._ _

__No one knew how to find Rosita or Eugene so they all hoped they would remember on their own and try to find some other member of the family. Same with Tara, Enid, and the King. They all knew that Ezekiel worked in a zoo but no one could remembered which one._ _

__Andrea, Amy, and so many of the others completely refused to remember; and so did Lori and Shane. They weren’t like Carl or Michonne whose memories were just _there_ if only they wanted to reach for them. Andrea and the others flat out ignored the fact that their brains told them there was something they weren’t seeing and kept their minds blank. It was their prerogative, of course, but it was sad. Rick was sure though that while Shane’s mind couldn’t let itself face what happened in the other reality, Lori could have remembered if she’d tired. She just wouldn’t, and maybe it was better that way._ _

__Michonne was the one everybody missed the most, Judith especially. As soon as Rick explained everything to her, Judith immediately agreed that they needed to respect Michonne’s wishes… but she had tears in her eyes and her lower lip wobbled. Rick spent the whole day holding her close while she adjusted to the knowledge that she might not see her other mom again. Brave as she was, Judith ended up being the one to console Rick when she found him shedding a tear. He really was blessed to have her._ _

__Carl’s memories, on the other hand, came back one day when he was out with his friends. He entered a mall and saw Sophia there… Moments later he couldn’t do much more than surrender while everything came back to him. Rick was incredibly sorry not to have been with his son when that happened but something good came out of that traumatic experience anyway: Carl and Sophia started dating. And everyone started teasing them, of course._ _

__As for Rick, he felt as happy as he’d ever been. He had back people he cared about, he was helping plan Maggie and Glenn’s wedding, he went to the same gym as Abraham and tried to bench-press as much as he did (failing miserably every time,) and he had Daryl._ _

__While sex with men wasn’t new to Rick, a relationship with a man wasn’t something he’d ever considered before. Yet, when he looked at Daryl both in this world and the other, when he let himself remember all the times Daryl let him get very close while he didn’t trust anyone else to, or the times when Rick only wanted Daryl’s advice, his approval, his loyalty, and his willingness to be right there where Rick needed him, it appeared clear that this wasn’t a new development.__

____

____

__Furthermore, when Rick looked back to the first phone call they shared and how good it’d been to hear Daryl’s laugh, or how much Rick looked forward to talk to him at the end of every day, or see him even for five minutes during lunch break… it seemed impossible not to admit that he was already on his way to starting something with Daryl._ _

__But would Daryl even want to? Was he only interested in being Rick’s brother, like he’d been in the other world despite the fact that Rick always knew Daryl was _more_ , just a little more than that? There was only one way to find out but Rick was hesitant, not wanting to ruin everything immediately after having found Daryl again._ _

__As usual, Rick’s kids came to his rescue._ _

__*_ _

__Judith took it upon herself to invite Daryl for dinner and there was no way Daryl could ever refuse her something. Judith helped Rick cook and she basically ordered Carl to attend the dinner and bring dessert. The divorce taught Rick that he wasn’t hopeless in the kitchen and, while he would never be considered a chef, he could feed himself and put food on the table for his kids and that was enough._ _

__“D’you like the potatoes, Daryl?” Judith asked._ _

__“Yep. Love ‘em.”_ _

__“I cooked them,” she grinned. “Daddy watched.”_ _

__“Child labor, uh, officer?”_ _

__Rick laughed. “More getting out of her way. You don’t want to contradict this one,” he said caressing Judith’s hair._ _

__Carl nodded. “She’s scary. You have no idea!”_ _

__Judith stuck her tongue out at her brother and everyone laughed._ _

__It was such a lovely family dinner, Rick thought, and he hoped this would be only the first of many._ _

__After dinner, Carl excused himself. He had a date with Sophia and needed to pick her up at Carol’s place._ _

__“Keep it zipped,” Rick told him._ _

__"C’mon, Rick. Kid’s seventeen! He ain’t gonna keep it zipped for long. Keep it covered more likely,” Daryl grinned. “Jus’ be respectful or we’re gonna have a problem, ya hear?”_ _

__Carl nodded, ears red, and then ran from the house._ _

__Daryl turned towards Rick, “Sorry if… Didn’t mean to overstep…”_ _

__“No, hey! You did nothing wrong. I liked it.”_ _

__“Ya liked what?”_ _

__Rick smiled. “Hearing you give good advice to my son, taking care of him and Sophia. Having you here so I don’t have to do this alone. I like it.”_ _

__Daryl blushed, looking down._ _

__“Dishwasher’s loaded, daddy,” Judith called from the kitchen. “Can I go up to my room, now? I finished my homework and wanna watch a movie.”_ _

__“I thought we could watch it all together?” Rick tried._ _

Judith poked her head in the living room and gave Rick _a look_. 

__“What?” Rick asked, puzzled._ _

__Judith rolled her eyes. “I love you dad, and I love Daryl, but I need my space!”_ _

__“Yeah, man. Girl needs her space. Leave her be,” Daryl teased._ _

__Rick raised his hands in surrender, “Okay. Go have your own space. But can I at least get a kiss?”_ _

__Judith made a show of sighing but she ran in Rick’s arms and gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek. Then she reserved the same treatment for Daryl._ _

__“Go on, now,” Rick smiled. “I’ll come check on you in a while and turn off the TV if you fall asleep with it on.”_ _

__Judith went upstairs and Rick was finally alone with Daryl._ _

__“She’s somethin’ else.”_ _

__“Yeah,” Rick nodded. “She is. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have her.”_ _

__Daryl took a sip of his coffee, and Rick breathed deeply. He’d decided early on that, if the opportunity to be alone with Daryl presented itself, he would take advantage of it and talk about the way he was feeling. Now, if only he could decide where to start…_ _

__“Daryl, uhm…” Daryl looked at him expectantly, but Rick’s mouth felt suddenly too dry to speak so he swallowed the rest of his own coffee in one go then put down the mug. He tried again, “Daryl, can we… Could I talk to you? ‘Bout something?”_ _

__“Yeah, you can. ‘Bout what?”_ _

__“Uhm, well, so… Remember, you… You remember back at the prison, we went on a run. Found that distillery and had to hole up in there for the night ‘cause of the Walkers. You remember that?”_ _

__Daryl nodded, warily. “I do. Whiskey was good.”_ _

__Rick laughed. “Yeah, it was. Pity we had to stay alert and couldn’t take more than a few sips, uh? But, uhm, even that made me light-headed…”_ _

__“Ya lightweight,” Daryl teased._ _

__“Hey! ‘S not like I ate much that day! Whiskey on an empty stomach, can’t blame me, man.”_ _

__“Ate even less and yet, I didn’ have no problems…”_ _

__Rick laughed, conceding the point. “Alright, yer cooler than me. Stop twisting the knife. But that’s not… I liked that night. You and me, a bottle of whiskey, only the moonlight filtering through the windows to light the room. Was nice. Wasn’t it?”_ _

__Daryl cocked his head. “Hmm. Not sure what ya wan’ me to say here, man. You and me and the moonlight? What’cha sayin’ Rick?”_ _

__Rick blushed. “Been thinking ‘bout that night lately, and a few other moments too. How you and I were, how I always took for granted that I’d turn around and you’d be there, how it felt like my heart wasn’t really working when you weren’t there anymore… when Negan… uh… And then I look at us now, here, in this new world and… I want you here. Want to go back to taking for granted that you’ll be here. Always. So, will you?”_ _

__Daryl was staring at him intently, almost as if he was trying to study every single expression that crossed Rick’s face, every single inflection of his voice, every one of his words. What was Daryl trying to find? Rick didn’t know but he hoped with all his might that he would find it._ _

__“Daryl?”_ _

__“Yeah,” Daryl said, finally. “Gonna be here. Ya know it. Ain’t no need for ya to ask.”_ _

__Rick breathed a sigh of relief but he still wasn’t sure Daryl truly caught his meaning._ _

__“Good. Good because I… I want you to be. I _want_ you, Daryl. I do.”_ _

__Daryl abruptly got up off the sofa. “I got it, man, okay? You don’ gotta repeat it over and over like that. ‘M here. We’re brothers. Shut up about it!”_ _

__Rick also got up but kept his distance from Daryl. This moment was precarious enough without Daryl needing to bolt because he couldn’t bear to be touched._ _

__“Brothers,” Rick repeated. “That’s what we were in the other world. That’s all I thought we could be, or better yet all I let myself focus on in my head. But that was different, _I_ was different. I don’t think I could’ve seen it any other way, not the man I was. I loved a man so in my mind that man was my brother, plain and simple. Nothing more. Ain’t like that anymore, though… not here, not in _this_ world.”_ _

__Daryl narrowed his eyes. “What the fuck are you sayin’, Rick?”_ _

__Daryl’s voice was low and full of menace, but Rick wasn’t scared. He knew Daryl too well and he knew that was the way he sounded when he was terrified of something and so he tried with all his might to scare that something into not happening at all; or scare someone into not saying whatever it was that Daryl was afraid to hear._ _

__Rick took a leap and said it anyway. “If all you want to be is my brother, I will accept it and I will cherish it. I will cherish you. But, that is not all I want you to be. It’s like I said before, with Carl, I want someone to share my duties with, to share my joy and my sadness with. I want someone here with me, someone to call my own, someone…”_ _

__“Someone that’s here when Michonne ain’t. That it?” Daryl snarled._ _

__“No! No, Daryl. Hey,” Rick took a step towards Daryl but stopped when the hunter glared at him. “Not gonna touch you. But please, just let me explain. I need to explain…”_ _

__“Talk,” Daryl growled._ _

__“The man I was when zombies walked the Earth, that man only knew how to love women. He’d looked at men in a sexual way – and no, before you ask, Shane was _not_ one of them – but love? A relationship? That was for women. That’s just who he was, that Rick. And it was who I was, too, before Lori and I split up. But then, I was a divorced man playing the field and I made some of those fantasies about men come true. Hell, I liked it. Still didn’t have a relationship with a guy but it was only because I never met anyone I was interested in like that. And then…”_ _

__“Then what?”_ _

__Rick smiled. “Then I remembered, and I got you back. So many things are different now, Daryl; we’re the same but we’re also different people. So the Rick Grimes who lost his wife in a prison and then fell in love with Michonne, that man loved you like a brother because it was all he knew how to do. I know better.”_ _

__“So wha’cha sayin’ is what? Ya fucked a coupla guys, now ya wanna fuck me, too? And wha’ happens when Michonne’s back? You sayin’ you don’t love her no more? Ya changed _that_ much? Who are you, man?”_ _

__Daryl sounded broken, and Rick’s heart twisted in his chest. “I’m a man who lived a completely different life and had completely different experiences. The man I am today probably wouldn’t be able to bite anyone’s throat off or slaughter a guy with a machete. I can see myself doing that but I don’t know if I’d actually be able to do it again… It horrifies me as much as it fills me with justified rage. The man I am today wasn’t betrayed by his best friend, and he didn’t lose his wife in a gruesome way. I didn’t lose Carl. I had an amicable divorce, Lori and Shane are my friends, and I built a happy life for myself. I’m not the same, hell… You’re not the same man, either! You own your own auto-repair shop that you worked hard to establish, you have friends who love you, you have a family! Did the Daryl Dixon of the other world have that? Was he as fulfilled as you are here, now?”_ _

__Daryl shook his head. He was biting his nail and listening intently to Rick, so Rick continued._ _

__“Of course, I love Michonne. But I’m only able to love the memories I have of her. Who knows if she’s even the same woman now… She wasn’t shaped by tragedy in this reality, just like I wasn’t. I don’t know her now. I do love her, I always will, but even if she came back I wouldn’t want her… not like I want you. Not anymore, Daryl. In this time, in this reality… it’s you. It’s just you. I want you.”_ _

__“I can’t…” Daryl’s voice was but a whisper._ _

__“Can’t what? Talk to me, Daryl. You can tell me anything.”_ _

__“I can’t let myself have this. You. Not if I’m gonna lose ya. Ain’t gonna survive it. Better not have ya at all then havin’ ta give ya up…”_ _

__“You’re never gonna lose me,” Rick vowed. “If you trust me, if you give me this, I swear I’ll live my whole life showing you I deserve you.”_ _

__“Ain’t a matter of deservin’,” Daryl said. “Between the two of us, I’m the one doesn’t deserve you…”_ _

__“No, hey! _Hey_! You deserve the world. The fucking world, Daryl.”_ _

__Daryl looked at Rick with tentative hope and took a step towards him. He was biting his lip and looked so unsure that Rick couldn’t stop himself from reaching for him. Daryl went willingly and Rick held him tight against himself._ _

__“Can I have you?” Rick asked, mouth on Daryl’s hair. “Let me have you and I’ll never let you go. Never, Daryl, I swear.”_ _

__“Ya sure? Not even if Michonne…”_ _

__“No, Daryl,” Rick swore, pushing Daryl off himself so he could look him in the eye. “Not even then.”_ _

__“What about a pretty blonde girl, then? What if she comes back, asshole husband an’ all?”_ _

__Rick gaped. “Jessie? Are you… You’re not serious, are you? That was… Man, that was messed up.”_ _

__“Ya don’ say.”_ _

__Rick snorted, and pulled Daryl back against himself. “To answer your question, no. Not for Michonne, and definitely not for Jessie. Though it’s kinda flattering to know you were jealous…”_ _

__Daryl pinched Rick’s side making him burst out laughing._ _

__“It’s you, Daryl. Only you,” Rick vowed again, and this time Daryl sighed and nodded against his shoulder._ _

__*_ _

__Rick had no idea how they got there, had no recollection of moving or sitting back down again, but at the moment he was on his sofa and had a lapful of Daryl. The hunter was straddling Rick’s hips and he was kissing the living daylight out of Rick. Daryl’s hands were in Rick’s hair while Rick gripped his ass and helped him move against his cock._ _

__They were both still dressed but parting to undress or even moving away from each other wasn’t an option so they didn’t even attempt it._ _

__“Gonna… uh… gonna cum in my pants like a teenager…” Rick panted against Daryl’s mouth._ _

__“Betcha even Carl can do better,” Daryl joked, and Rick laughed._ _

__“Not sure anything could be better than… uh! Fuck, Daryl, do that again…”_ _

__Daryl kept grinding his hips on Rick’s lap, moaning and groaning in his mouth, and the friction against Rick’s cock was as delicious as it was chafing. Rick didn’t want it to ever end._ _

__“Just like that,” Rick encouraged, squeezing Daryl’s ass as much as he was able through his cargo pants. “Move like that, that’s it. Fucking move like that…”_ _

__“Rick…” Daryl’s moan added fuel to the fire, and Rick sat up holding onto Daryl and pressed him down on his cock._ _

__“C’mon, c’mon, Daryl… just like that… move it… make me cum. Cum with me, give it to me…”_ _

__Daryl’s hips moved wildly and he came first. He hid his groan in Rick’s mouth, and sucked on Rick’s tongue. Rick followed him soon after and then he held Daryl tight. They kept kissing for a long time and then Rick chuckled._ _

__“If we don’t move soon, I’m gonna be stuck to my underwear forever…”_ _

__“You’re high-maintenance, man,” Daryl joked._ _

__“What? You’re saying you don’t wanna come help me wash up?”_ _

__Daryl pushed away from Rick and licked his lips. “Now, why didn’cha say it like that tha first time?”_ _

__Rick kissed Daryl gently then pushed him all the way off himself and they both got up, groaning with the discomfort of wet clothes sticking to their skin._ _

__“We need to be quiet now, Judith’s room is just across the hall from my own and…”_ _

__Daryl shook his head. “Pretty sure the kid has headphones on.”_ _

__“What? Why would you say that?”_ _

__“Man, really?” Daryl cocked his head at Rick. “Ya didn’ really buy the ‘I need my space’ crap, did’ya?”_ _

__“I’m sorry?”_ _

__“That lil’ girl’s been tryin’ ta get me ta come here for dinner for a week now. She weren’t exactly subtle ‘bout her plans. Thought she’s gonna be disappointed ‘cause… well, didn’ think you’d want…”_ _

__“Hey,” Rick stepped into Daryl’s space. “I do. I want. Okay? I have the evidence all over the front of my jeans, you know? We both do.”_ _

__Daryl grinned. “Yeah. Anyway, she left us alone on purpose b’fore. Ya fell for it?”_ _

__Rick gaped. “You… Wait, really?”_ _

__Daryl shook his head. “Now I see what’cha meant when ya said ya needed help doin’ this.”_ _

__“Hey!” Rick pretended to be outraged but smiled in the face of Daryl’s sweet expression. “You know, there’s something else I need help with now…”_ _

__Daryl rolled his eyes. “High-maintenance…”_ _

__“You love it,” Rick winked._ _

__“Yeah.”_ _

**Author's Note:**

> I feel the need to say that I adore Michonne. After Rick and Daryl, she's my favorite character. But I simply couldn't find a way for her to be back and still get Rick together with Daryl. Not one that made sense, anyway. I did have an idea but I couldn't make it work (maybe I'll keep it in mind for the future, assuming I'll ever get another bunny...), so I just had to put Michonne in the "I know I should but I'm not going to remember" group. I'm so sorry...


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